by Paul Slansky December 17, 2007
Who said what about Rudolph Giuliani?
1. Schools chancellor Rudy Crew.
2. Columnist Jimmy Breslin.
3. Police Commissioner William Bratton.
4. His son, Andrew.
5. Former Mayor Ed Koch.
6. Al Sharpton.
(a) “His goal in life is to spear people, destroy them, to go for the jugular.”
(b) “It’s like a cult he’s got there. You can’t work with the guy unless you’re willing to drink the Kool-Aid.”
(c) “There’s obviously a little problem that exists between me and his wife.”
(d) “He is not bound by the truth. I have studied animal life, and their predator/prey relations are more graceful than his.”
(e) “[He] didn’t bring us together, our pain brought us together. . . . We would have come together if Bozo was the mayor.”
(f ) “He is a small man in search of a balcony.”
7. True or false: When Giuliani blamed an underling named Jerome M. Hauer for the foolhardy idea of placing the city’s emergency-management headquarters in the World Trade Center, he was confronted with a memo in which Hauer had argued against the site and in favor of a less visible target in Brooklyn.
Which Giuliani appointee did what?
8. Housing Development Corporation head Russell Harding.
9. Housing Commissioner Richard Roberts.
10. Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik.
(a) Pleaded guilty to perjury.
(b) Was found guilty of embezzlement and possession of child pornography.
(c) Was indicted on sixteen charges, including corruption, mail fraud, and tax fraud.
11. Who is Leo D’Avanzo?
(a) The Grammy Awards official whose refusal to let Giuliani read a list of nominees at a press conference caused such tension that the organization decided to move its next ceremony to Los Angeles, costing New York forty million dollars in revenue.
(b) The Mob-connected uncle who employed Giuliani’s father as a bat-wielding debt collector.
(c) The artist whose painting of a black Virgin Mary surrounded by images of female genitalia and elephant dung caused Giuliani to threaten to shut down the Brooklyn Museum exhibition in which it hung, calling it “sick stuff.”
(d) One of the cops who fired nineteen bullets into the unarmed Guinean immigrant Amadou Diallo.
12. What action by the Giuliani administration was found by the courts to have violated the First Amendment rights of New Yorkers?
(a) Preventing taxi-drivers from assembling for a protest.
(b) Requiring city workers to obtain permission to speak to the press.
(c) Refusing to issue a permit for an anti-police-brutality march.
(d) All of the above, and many more.
13. What prompted a legal skirmish between New York magazine and the city during Giuliani’s mayoralty?
(a) A bus ad touting the magazine as “possibly the only good thing in New York Rudy hasn’t taken credit for.”
(b) A cover story pointing out how odd it was that he was married to his first wife for fourteen years before finding out that she was not his third cousin but, rather, his second cousin—a confusion that occurred, he explained, “because I never calculated the lines of consanguinity.”
(c) A photo spread of his comb-overs that described him as “thin-haired and even thinner-skinned.”
(d) A column mocking his vendettas against hot-dog venders, jaywalkers, turnstile-jumpers, and squeegee men.
14. True or false: When Hillary Clinton announced her Senate run, Giuliani attacked her for including, on the preceremony soundtrack, the Billy Joel song “Captain Jack,” which the Mayor claimed encouraged masturbation and put out the message “Let’s say yes to drugs.”
Which Judith did what?
15. Judith Regan.
16. Judith Nathan.
(a) Carried on an affair with a top city official at a house in Southampton.
(b) Carried on an affair with a top city official in an apartment near Ground Zero donated for the use of relief workers.
17. Who is Justin Volpe?
(a) The priest recently hired by Giuliani’s consulting firm despite having been accused of molesting young boys.
(b) The police officer who sodomized the Haitian immigrant Abner Louima with a broomstick in a Brooklyn station house.
(c) The live-in partner of the gay friend whom Giuliani moved in with after his wife Donna Hanover, having learned of his intention to divorce her when he announced it at a press conference, refused to leave Gracie Mansion.
(d) The man standing between Giuliani and Alfonse D’Amato in a picture of them, dressed as hoodlums, from a photo-op drug bust in 1986.
18. Who is Elliot Cuker?
(a) The ex-husband of Giuliani’s third wife, who said that she called him Rich Little Kike and Jew Boy.
(b) One of the first indicted Wall Street traders subjected to Giuliani’s “perp walk” technique.
(c) The adviser who first got Giuliani to appear in drag in public.
(d) The official to whom Giuliani claimed to have said, on the morning of September 11, 2001, “Thank God George Bush is our President.”
(1) d, (2) f, (3) b, (4) c, (5) a, (6) e, (7) True, (8) b, (9) a, (10) c, (11) b, (12) d, (13) a, (14) True, (15) b, (16) a, (17) b, (18) c.