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Thanks - No, Seriously

*Thanks - No, Seriously*
   By Molly Ivins
   Truthdig

   Wednesday 22 November 2006

   Austin, Texas - It's time to give thanks, and I want to start off
with a great, big thank you for the top American movement conservatives
and all the fun we've had since Election Day. I know I promised not to
gloat after this election was over, but I'm not talking unseemly
gloating - I'm talking about moments so brilliantly hilarious the only
option is to put your head down on the desk and howl.

   First in line is the wit of The National Review's Kate O'Beirne, who
clearly teamed up with Borat to explain the great conservative win. Her
explanation is that this is a win for conservatism because a great many
of the D's elected are so conservative themselves. She says half of them
are conservatives.

   She is indeed right. If only twice as many Democrats had been
elected, it would have proved that there are twice as many conservatives
in the country, and this is clear to any thinking person. We might
challenge Ms. O'Beirne to explain how the next Republican win is a
victory for liberalism.

   The reason that O'Beirne and others are able to accept such an
absurdity is because they've been listening to George W. Bush for six
years and are thus able to believe six impossible things before breakfast.

   Speaking of "thinking," another great moment for conservatives this
year was highlighted on the Nov. 16 edition of Comedy Central's "The
Daily Show." Host Jon Stewart addressed a recent remark that CNN
Headline News host Glenn Beck made to Rep.-elect Keith Ellison
(D-Minn.), the first Muslim ever elected to Congress.

   Beck said, "I have been nervous about this interview with you
because what I feel like saying is, 'Sir, prove to me that you are not
working with our enemies.' " After airing Beck's comment, Stewart
declared, "Finally, a guy who says what people who aren't thinking are
thinking."

   While the Washington press corps worried its pretty little head to a
frazzle over Nancy Pelosi's Armani suits and terrible start as speaker
of the House (except she hasn't started as speaker), they forgot to fret
over Trent Lott, who had previously been bounced unceremoniously from
the Senate leadership team to which the Republicans just reelected him.
They seem to have forgotten that he had expressed the wish that Strom
Thurmond, the segregationist candidate for president, had won in 1948.

   Thanks for the late Johnny Apple and the now retired Adam Clymer
(who predicted a 28-seat sweep and the possibility of taking the Senate)
for reminding us that The New York Times used to know how to cover
politics. So, for that matter, did The Washington Post, now graced only
by E.J. Dionne.

   Thanks for Cokie Roberts, who was the only alert citizen on
television on election night. The others were either stalwart
Republicans or John McCain worshipers.

   Thanks from a grateful nation for an obedient press corps that
failed during Bush's six-hour, carefully orchestrated visit to Indonesia
to register the fact that there were massive demonstrations against his
administration and its policies toward Muslims. The demonstrators during
his short visit forced him to stay behind the presidential palace wall
all day and - due to concerns for his safety - not spend the night.

   So many of our media mavens have been so wrong for so long that we
may yet see a mere modicum of becoming self-doubt from our professional
pontificators. And think how thankful we'd all be for that. Their
sources, led by Karl Rove, have had them eating Pablum out of their
hands for years now.
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